panandaliang nasa Himpapawid :)

wala lang

isa email
isa phonecall..

yup i seem not to be excited but I WAS.. i was just used to the emotion on neutral mode.
on hind sight, it was all lame, lame reactions
i just was trained not to show physiological signs
waaahhh

ayun.

Carina was here

Old self story:

I am usually friends with exes even if sometimes the relationships end on sour notes (What's wrong with me? hehe) well anyway very very first boyfriend's bff texted me that somebody close to xbf passed away. (give it to me to have a dramatic moment be funny :P)

me : in iloilo? just send him my condolences, i don't have his current number.
bff : roxas ano ka ba?
me : ahehe i was trying hard to remember if it was bacolod or iloilo, pareho pala mali.
bff : just proves you didn't love him that much.
me : no one's asking about proofs.. and cmon its been 10 years.. kaya nahihiirapan maging kaibigan ako ng kaibigan ninyo dahil sa panunukso hanggang ngayon..
bff : and you still remember na 10 years..
me : yah, i remember the first time we met, first time we dated, first time we held hands.. ooopps i am falling into a deep depression..

oh.. btw, really my deep condolences.
***

i think i give more weight to best friend fights.. duon i can't seem to bury hatchets.. i remember seeing after college my very first best friend in elem/high school (i don't usually develop deep friendships) while on rehearsal for a play in gantimpala. We were both shocked to see each other after college (and i think i was in mega costume na pang 19th century kaya it added to the shock) and forced talking after our falling out, 3 years of reacting that were ghosts in hs, (it was a small school, we'd see each other daily.) plus the whole of college and we actually forgot the petty detail of our quarrel but mas mabigat yata akong magalit sa friend. We never rekindled.

i finally facebooked

in 2 days i opened myself to facebook addiction.. 100 friends in 2 days, 10 minutes. I used to ridicule a friend about his addiction-to-the-point-of endorsement about this sns. i will try not to be hooked. :)

wow.. i've gone invisible

i helped this girl mega wasted in the toilet due to alcohol and recent past love heartache..
for reasons of drunkeness and maybe insanity she seem not to believe that i just helped, random.. same place, right time.. and will help a stranger and not that i was sent by past love (hmmp stole my brownie points.) i saw her yesterday, she didn't seem to notice/ acknowledge me like all other days.

i helped this guy, would not list the extent, saw him yesterday, i was in the same seat and venue, and he didn't seem to notice me. and yeah, this is mr. work the room, let's run for major hello to all guy.

i've gone invisible... WOW! :(

i can now solve crime and corruption. Should i design a cape?

cosme, dindo, enteng, frank, helen, igme, julian, karen, marce, nina, ophel, pablo

i was not a whole person to begin with
i said i will help
the least you could do is help me too.. ok i didn't ask for an SOS..
but a friend should have sensed the cry for help..
or seen how i was breaking/ falling apart

in melancholia terms i was living an alberta / janine
after the storm.. is still a storm
one doesn't deserve


since bawal ang drama, side trivia :
cosme and dindo - sagada shoot, melancholia
enteng
frank - eastwood winds pries open carhood (woaah!)
marikina riverbanks shoot, melancholia
helen, igme, julian, karen
marce - .MOV Night mag:net Katipunan
nina - hahahahaha
ophel - .MOV press conference
pablo - .MOV first day screening.. kaloka!!

ayan kasi u dared to blind storms.. hehehe right between the eyes.

wrap up notes

they say : there is a lack of venue, the businessmen just wouldn't allow their cinemas to screen these kinds of films

i saw : a cafe in katipunan with empty seats and tables everyday when it programmed films and presented it for free.. another example a "cinematheque," and another
a full scale cinema dedicated for digital/ indie running for 2 years, never complaining that it shows with full amenities (a/c, theater setup, 250++ seater) to (at its worst, one lady guard said while toilet chatting ) 1 soul. Some businessmen dare to cater to feed your art, most of the time there are no takers.

***

they say : no good content, either too experimental, too long, too short, no celebs, no art, not my art, too avantgarde, too (place your excuses here.)

i met : about 100 filmmakers offering films you can imagine, sometimes you can only imagine. presenting it for free, in pretty packages, in major blitz, in silent word of mouth, in guerilla tactics, but still they won't watch.

***

they say : lack of government support.

i see : there are other governments and supporters willing to help. one word : share. independent doesn't mean solo. share info, share experiences.. it'll be easier to break walls if you work together.. the world is big, one filmmaker's gain is not your loss.

***

but these films can't be silenced, these filmmakers can't be stopped.
i hope i wont stop finding solutions too..
even if its tiring..
even if it breaks.. (temporary i hope)

mabuhay!
it wasn't my dream to be a missionary
but i once joked about being a multimedia mogul.

:)

just like goldilocks

finally, a swabe ending.

first try, i pushed to convince somebody not to think about THAT, the attempt failed and broke me in a way

second, at the first sign of distress.. i bailed immediately.. no more ms. nice girl

yesterday was cool, a NO that ended great.

but yeah, i shouldn't be used to saying NO..
just because i don't like long distance
just because it was a last day
anyway, swabe :)

SAYONACHI

My dad has this term about running away from danger..

SAYONACHI

short for SA IYO NA CHINELAS KO!