The Magic continues..

I am beginning to think everything is magic if you see it that way.
-- Gobo Fraggle

I've been sad, anxious and stressed most of 2008. I just want to feel different.

tanong sa akin ni Patrick : hindi ka ba nalulungkot?

Mga mainstay ng sitcom astoria :) Bien, Jose Angel, Bearlyn, BB

I am attempting to box all of my stuff for my moving out. while in the process i get to be reunited or reacquianted with stuff i've long forgotten i have, or just ignored stuff and found a refreshed interest in it. Moving out makes you feel sentimental, especially if you live on your own. I feel on the day when i finally walk out the door, i would make a mental video of the move just like an end of a sitcom, wow, anticipating the last look at the open space, as i close the lights.. credits...

patrick

kelly
guardies
engineering guys
gwen
jeff
edgar
lonie
jubial
km 10
yaminoys
banbros
de la torres
yus
bmps; et. al.
fedex
dhl
ups

crest cleaners
food deliveries
santis
tonic
travel net
red ribbon
asus
meneses
recintos
conversions
dandans
trinidads
innove
pldt
cable guy
aircon cleaners
pest guy
paper guy
leon
banana q manang
fishball manong
mute impersonator manong of escriva (he's deaf but not mute, you can hear him yelp from my 11/f closed window)

bien
bearlyn
jose angel

nomadic confessions

sinamahan ko ang aking kaibigan mag screen ng films sa luneta, ncca thingie for the arts month napansin ko na hindi ako nag alangan sa mundo, siguro nga na pinanganak akong nomad.. kakayanin kong matulog sa theater/coliseum under the moon, kung di lang din malamok at naka capri ako. naalala ko yung mga panahong nagkacamp out kami sa likod bahay nuon, may dalang flashlight at ginagawang tent ang kulungan ng aso (german shepherd kasi kapag magalaga ang tatay ko.) kami ang nagbibinyag ng bagong hawla.

oist bawal magjoke tungkol sa asal animal, aso, etc. tungkol sa akin, privilege info nyo yan, pag may narinig ako kakagatin ko. :P

sa paglipat ng bahay

kakaiba din itong pakiramdam, pagiimpake ng sarili matapos ang dalawang taon, nakaka5 ng lipat na ako ng bahay sa tanang buhay ko, unang lipat, wala pa akong muang, sa paranaque papuntang manila times, las pinas. pangalawa, tandang tanda ko pa, matagal na ring panahon, 1985ish times papuntang phil-am, (dito pa rin nakatira ang pamilya ko ngayon) linggo 'non, dahil ako ang pinakabata, ako ang pinag-taong bahay pagkatapos ng unang hakot, naalala ko na natakot akong mag-isa sa hindi ko kilalang bahay, nanuod na lang ako ng mickey and donald para maaliw, horror movie ang dating sa akin ng paninibago, bawat lagitik, bawat langitngit (pero kung mickey and donald lang ang palabas, mga 3 to 5 lang ng hapon iyun, exaggerated, kapapanood ng nakakatakot.) paglipat ko sa roxas, qc, di naman kinailangan ng lipat bahay, parang isang dorm room lang ang aking ari-arian nuon.. isang computer, ref, washing machine, toaster oven at component.. netong huling beses materialistic na ako, ngunit meron akong 2ng househelps nuong panahon na iyon.. hindi naging mahirap, pero oo marami na rin akong naipundar. Ngayon, kaloka, nagkakahon ako mag-isa. Sinanay ko na ang sarili na hindi magrely sa maids, isa't kalahating taon na rin akong solo.

may ibang high at low din ito, senti at emo moments, great that i have taken a mini sabbatical from usual life, paminsan magandang tumigil at lumingon, tumigil at huminga, tumigil ng wala nang ibang gagawin kundi ang pagtigil.

pagkatapos, arangkada muli.

Simpleng Kape

gusto kong magkape. pero hindi ko na pwedeng tanggalin sa kahon ang coffee maker ko. Ilang beses nang nagdiscuss si Ohsie tungkol sa mga tanong ng kalangitan (addict na rin siya,) constellations, eclipse, star names, hindi ko muna mahagilap ang mga libro ko, nakaempake na rin ang teleskopyo ko. Haaay, french press o instant? tsaa na lang.. iba pa rin e.. iba na naman ang mundo pag nagunpack na ako.

Write-off

i have come to grips that my life is a big write-off. I am getting ready to embark on another decision to write-off.

I just subscibe to the concept that if a thing doesn't ROI, it isn't such a crime.. at least i've journeyed forward, that's a good enough deal.

i guess i was just raised right

some people in my recent past have been getting in touch. telling me that..

shhh shhh shhh

i couldn't tell you, while here and now, the details are too delicate.
***

last valentine's day i went home to my parents' we had a lunch date, after lunch i slept on my mother's lap while they were watching a b-movie actioneer with billy blanks as the anti-hero (yep, the aerobics guy)

while on my way out, back to real life ortigas, my dad was near his texas and miscellaneous rooster cages, when he saw me he went towards me. When he moved, about 30 other birds flew, (parang sa central park) he said these birds like to eat the chicken feed that he leaves behind :)

he walked me through the park, outside the village where i got my ride.

that is why it is easy to be simple, thankful and not easily blinded by the greed in my world.

Nina Nina Nina Nina

before i finally decided to leave my office, i just bought a nifty dymo labeller.. i was sticker-trigger happy.. so whoever will inherit my stuff (these are basically brand new -- scissors, stapler, markers, pens, blahblahs since i usually have my own stash) please don't think i have ownership issues.. haha :)

the new dymo thingie is cool, but i kinda miss the old embossed vintage one..

the countdown begins..

The neighborhood of 8 homes is never warm yet we have an anonymous harmony between us. if ever we see each other outside our 11th floor life, i am sure we wouldn't remember each others' faces, except for the one minor celeb neighbor, just because she's celebrity..
our floor has never been filled up i think, always at least one unit for rent or family on vacation.. our floor's tiles have not been used to foot traffic, 8 units with minor hermits as tenants.. i know i have 2 small famlies farthest from elevator (the bird family and the dog family -- based on the sfxs during saturdays and sundays when they walk or air their pets,) the front unit would be inhabited by 2 couch potatoes who'd blast their TV volumes watching AXN, always just AXN. the other wing would have a unit with oldies who don't open the door whatsoever (i had only 1 interaction with them because i had to switch bills due to delivery mix up (shocked at my electric bill, then realized it's not mine) another with the minor celeb, "companion" (shhh...) and helps and 2 units who would have transients as it is used by the hotels..

hmm how do you think they would describe me..

the girl with the strange playlist (some days i'd do for beatles and mathis, tom waits and carly simon, shimshai, social distortion, yano, tvj, pcd, days with mandarin tutorial on end)

the lady with the newspaper doormat (especially during trip days where i'd have a totem of magazine and newspaper deliveries piling up)

the hermit lady who's awake 24/7
(the mouse' house would have movements anytime of the day. Either she's cloned herself or she never sleeps)

btw, i saw a glimmer of smile with celeb neighbor as we walk pass the elevator (me in, she out,) aww, i felt warm :)

it was just like college again

Nope, not into the regression, second childhood phase. yesterday was just a fun ride with a college pal driving me around. i went to his place of work, a tv studio. This is how we make scripts, the studio, a camera, the desk, the color bar.. i was toying with the idea of actually learning the ropes of being a media man... somehow, a part of a scheme for multi-media moguldom, or just a trip. Whether or not grandeur had its place in the agenda.. i was just taken for a ride... me as reporter? really, its a option.

Included and first in the real agenda was updating each other, this is after 14 years.. we haven't really bonded after college.. we COULDN'T, because he was a part of a tandem loveteam, and i was actually on the ex-girlfriend's team. bummer, had to take sides, the world works this way. So this is the first time i will hear his side (background music please..)

past loves, love journeys and current loves and love affairs, we outshared each other until 2 am over beer.

incubator

Last Nov. 1, my sister gave birth to my newest nephew, the hospital she was in had a policy for the baby and mom to immediately bond and nurse at the very first moment, so from DR, the babies go straight to the room with the mother. Even if it was a maternity hospital, the nursery unusually doesn't have any babies on display.

Except for one lonely baby. This baby was premature and had to be cared for via incubator. You can see the parents at the window, staking out most of the viewing time.. just longing for the baby, to touch, to care for and to love.

The fullness of parenthood they couldn't enjoy 100%. But then the baby cried. Ow! 100% unadulterated pain just exudes, breaking all textile, glass and concrete barriers. How come love couldn't just be transferred as seamless as hurt?

I have found love in another continent. Long distance love. I haven't even felt his warm hugs and tender kiss. I only hold on to the feeling of the first time we held hands. Yesterday we had a fight, oh how i feel the pain.

list

i said short distance
i said same nationality
i said normal, this time normal
i said "not complicated"
i said never again

i'll say the tastiest letters are the As and the Ls promise, its yummy! i already ate my words.

this one word i don't mind eating 命運.