HAPPY NEW YEAR

been out of net and phone signals over the holidays. thanks for the greetings and good cheers. happy new year to y'all. God Bless.

panandaliang nasa Himpapawid :)

wala lang

isa email
isa phonecall..

yup i seem not to be excited but I WAS.. i was just used to the emotion on neutral mode.
on hind sight, it was all lame, lame reactions
i just was trained not to show physiological signs
waaahhh

ayun.

Carina was here

Old self story:

I am usually friends with exes even if sometimes the relationships end on sour notes (What's wrong with me? hehe) well anyway very very first boyfriend's bff texted me that somebody close to xbf passed away. (give it to me to have a dramatic moment be funny :P)

me : in iloilo? just send him my condolences, i don't have his current number.
bff : roxas ano ka ba?
me : ahehe i was trying hard to remember if it was bacolod or iloilo, pareho pala mali.
bff : just proves you didn't love him that much.
me : no one's asking about proofs.. and cmon its been 10 years.. kaya nahihiirapan maging kaibigan ako ng kaibigan ninyo dahil sa panunukso hanggang ngayon..
bff : and you still remember na 10 years..
me : yah, i remember the first time we met, first time we dated, first time we held hands.. ooopps i am falling into a deep depression..

oh.. btw, really my deep condolences.
***

i think i give more weight to best friend fights.. duon i can't seem to bury hatchets.. i remember seeing after college my very first best friend in elem/high school (i don't usually develop deep friendships) while on rehearsal for a play in gantimpala. We were both shocked to see each other after college (and i think i was in mega costume na pang 19th century kaya it added to the shock) and forced talking after our falling out, 3 years of reacting that were ghosts in hs, (it was a small school, we'd see each other daily.) plus the whole of college and we actually forgot the petty detail of our quarrel but mas mabigat yata akong magalit sa friend. We never rekindled.

i finally facebooked

in 2 days i opened myself to facebook addiction.. 100 friends in 2 days, 10 minutes. I used to ridicule a friend about his addiction-to-the-point-of endorsement about this sns. i will try not to be hooked. :)

wow.. i've gone invisible

i helped this girl mega wasted in the toilet due to alcohol and recent past love heartache..
for reasons of drunkeness and maybe insanity she seem not to believe that i just helped, random.. same place, right time.. and will help a stranger and not that i was sent by past love (hmmp stole my brownie points.) i saw her yesterday, she didn't seem to notice/ acknowledge me like all other days.

i helped this guy, would not list the extent, saw him yesterday, i was in the same seat and venue, and he didn't seem to notice me. and yeah, this is mr. work the room, let's run for major hello to all guy.

i've gone invisible... WOW! :(

i can now solve crime and corruption. Should i design a cape?

cosme, dindo, enteng, frank, helen, igme, julian, karen, marce, nina, ophel, pablo

i was not a whole person to begin with
i said i will help
the least you could do is help me too.. ok i didn't ask for an SOS..
but a friend should have sensed the cry for help..
or seen how i was breaking/ falling apart

in melancholia terms i was living an alberta / janine
after the storm.. is still a storm
one doesn't deserve


since bawal ang drama, side trivia :
cosme and dindo - sagada shoot, melancholia
enteng
frank - eastwood winds pries open carhood (woaah!)
marikina riverbanks shoot, melancholia
helen, igme, julian, karen
marce - .MOV Night mag:net Katipunan
nina - hahahahaha
ophel - .MOV press conference
pablo - .MOV first day screening.. kaloka!!

ayan kasi u dared to blind storms.. hehehe right between the eyes.

wrap up notes

they say : there is a lack of venue, the businessmen just wouldn't allow their cinemas to screen these kinds of films

i saw : a cafe in katipunan with empty seats and tables everyday when it programmed films and presented it for free.. another example a "cinematheque," and another
a full scale cinema dedicated for digital/ indie running for 2 years, never complaining that it shows with full amenities (a/c, theater setup, 250++ seater) to (at its worst, one lady guard said while toilet chatting ) 1 soul. Some businessmen dare to cater to feed your art, most of the time there are no takers.

***

they say : no good content, either too experimental, too long, too short, no celebs, no art, not my art, too avantgarde, too (place your excuses here.)

i met : about 100 filmmakers offering films you can imagine, sometimes you can only imagine. presenting it for free, in pretty packages, in major blitz, in silent word of mouth, in guerilla tactics, but still they won't watch.

***

they say : lack of government support.

i see : there are other governments and supporters willing to help. one word : share. independent doesn't mean solo. share info, share experiences.. it'll be easier to break walls if you work together.. the world is big, one filmmaker's gain is not your loss.

***

but these films can't be silenced, these filmmakers can't be stopped.
i hope i wont stop finding solutions too..
even if its tiring..
even if it breaks.. (temporary i hope)

mabuhay!
it wasn't my dream to be a missionary
but i once joked about being a multimedia mogul.

:)

just like goldilocks

finally, a swabe ending.

first try, i pushed to convince somebody not to think about THAT, the attempt failed and broke me in a way

second, at the first sign of distress.. i bailed immediately.. no more ms. nice girl

yesterday was cool, a NO that ended great.

but yeah, i shouldn't be used to saying NO..
just because i don't like long distance
just because it was a last day
anyway, swabe :)

SAYONACHI

My dad has this term about running away from danger..

SAYONACHI

short for SA IYO NA CHINELAS KO!

malapit na ang ending.MOV

ayun..

randoms blahs

Haaayyy.. A day for myself

I wouldn't do it any other way, except for.. Missing cake!
I got new friends greeting on blogs
I got old friends texting.. And yah, getting to be called CARINA again made me remember who I was
Blast from the past.. Like if somebody shouts that name, di man lang ako lilingon.
I wasn’t into answering phone calls, but I did answer finally
And was a welcome surprise, he didn't know it was my biirthday, I had to remind him.
Siya naman yung into fate-fate things, he'll be back in november, and I just can't help it but we talked work for a short while.. after him I allowed myself to answer more calls and yeah, he started a trend -- overseas old friends.. I got three and it was cancer causing in length..sana tuloy pa rin ang promo ng smart miles for roaming ang overseas call points.. I need to take a break! Waaaaahhhh.

Somebody missed to call... and someone who usually calls a month before and after that I remembered to miss, ahaha just thinking that he just misplaced my number and we will just bump into each other in mega or shang.. Update phonebooks and ...But yah, reality faced, I know, he's no longer with us.
***
Vanity, Imortality, Sanity

You shouldn't have dared.
You know she doesn't say no.
You should take care of her.
You should have not been careless.
Sorry doesn't make the cut anymore.

I hope you enjoyed it.
It was amazing really.
But you can say NO.
Sometimes things are not worth your all.

***
Hurray for Hongkong Noodles

I like pancit without the garnishings
I uber like instant pancit canton and yakisoba
Now, I found my favorite hangout in eastwood (well second favorite because I still love my secret hiding nook somewhere.. Shhhh.. Secret nga e) and uber cheap mega eat while-you-walk (ahaha exag, I haven't tried but why not?) experience
Malapit na akong makilala ng lahat ng shifts ahaha
Plus the buko juice kiosk who always run out of buko juice .. Nyaaaahhhhhrrggg

Last week's tags

Bahag.bahagangbuntot.kaibigan.idol.mataliknakaibigan.lav.rox.kidlat.louievuitton.bodyguards.yaya.mogwai.manilazoo.cubao.metromanila.cake.iyak.iyakin.tribute.kultura.pilipino.sarili.gunaw.guho.elepante.billboard.pasa.timezone.quantum.powerstation.posttmodern.pms.ostrich.gayrace.starcity.bakasyon.bayani.fairydust.trips.napagtripan.weeding.strangers.bonding.secretblogs.uhm.

Joel Toledo’s Chiaroscuro Book Launch and Happy Mondays Poetry Nights XXIII @ mag:net cafe Katips

Start:	August 4, '08 6:30p
Location:	mag:net cafe katipunan

The upcoming 33rd installment of the Happy Mondays Poetry Nights on August 4, 2008 @ mag:net cafe Katipunan will kick off earlier than usual, with cocktails at 6:30 pm for the launch of Chiaroscuro, followed by readings at 8pm by the featured poets and fictionists listed below:

1. Marjorie Evasco
2. Jimmy Abad
3. Butch Dalisay
4. J. Neil Garcia
5. Marne Kilates
6. Krip Yuson
7. Rebecca Añonuevo
8. Mookie Katigbak
9. Sarge Lacuesta
10. Ramil Gulle
11. Larry Ypil
12. Mikael Co
13. Angelo Suarez
14. Arkaye Kierulf
15. Conchitina Cruz
16. Daryll Delgado
17. Pancho Villanueva
18. Waps San Diego
19. Marie La Viña
20. Joseph Saguid
21. Khavn De la Cruz

This installment of the Happy Mondays Readings will be hosted by
Lourd De Veyra

Readings up to 10pm, followed by music from
Los Chupacabras and Dead Pop Stars

FREE ADMISSION the whole evening. Punta naman kayo, pls.
At sana bili na rin kayo ng libro. :)

Catch Happy Mondays every 1^st and 3^rd Mondays of the month. Mag:Net Katipunan is located at 335 Agcor Building, Katipunan Avenue, Loyola Heights, Quezon City (in front of Miriam College.) For details or inquiries, visit http://happymondayspoetry.multiply.com/

Melancholia in Venice

http://showbizandstyle.inquirer.net/breakingnews/breakingnews/view/20080730-151485/2-RP-films-to-open-close-Venice-film-fest

2 RP films to open, close Venice film fest By Ruben V. Nepales Philippine Daily Inquirer First Posted 01:08:00 07/30/2008

LOS ANGELES—Two Filipino films will open and close the Orizzonti (Horizons) sidebar section of the Venice Film Festival, one of the most prestigious international film festivals and known as the world’s oldest. Lav Diaz’s “Melancholia” and Francis Xavier E. Pasion’s “Jay” have been invited as official selections in the Venice event, which runs from Aug. 27 to Sept. 6. Pasion’s participation also marks the first time that a debut work by a filmmaker from the Philippines screens at the festival on the Lido. “Jay” will screen as the first feature in competition on Friday, Aug. 29, while “Melancholia” will close the competition on Saturday, Sept. 6. Diaz, who is closing the Orizzonti two years in a row, is known for his audacious, marathon films such as “Batang Westside” and “Ebolusyon ng Isang Pamilyang Pilipino.” He got the distinction last year with his entry in the sidebar’s documentary section, “Kagadanan sa banwaan ning mga Engkanto” (“Death in the Land of Encantos”).” This time, Diaz is in competition in the narrative category. The Venice screening marks “Melancholia’s” world premiere. Diaz won the Orizzonti’s Special Mention prize last year for “Kagadanan sa banwaan ning mga Engkanto,” which runs for nine hours.

Madness in this world “Long live Philippine cinema!” Diaz proclaimed in his acceptance speech at the awards night in 2007. “In spite of all the madness in this world, it’s still a nice place to live in. We still have cinema ... we have the Venice Film Festival. I would like to thank all the people who worked so hard for this film for nine months.” Pasion’s debut feature, “Jay,” recently won the Best Full-Length Feature Film in the 4th Cinemalaya Philippine Independent Film Festival. Baron Geisler, who plays a gay television reporter in the film, took the Best Actor plum. Paolo Bertolin, who is in the selection committee of the Venice Film Festival, told the Philippine Daily Inquirer via e-mail, “We in the selecting committee were all enthusiastic with the two Filipino entries we selected. Just to give you a measure of this, we invited ‘Jay’ as soon as all the members had seen the film, way before the announcement of the Cinemalaya awards. “‘Jay’ is also one of only two films that were invited to the Horizon sidebar despite not being a world premiere (the other being a Russian film that premiered in another festival in June).” Bertolin explained why the committee liked the two Filipino films: “‘Melancholia’ proves once again the enrapturing and mesmerizing power of Lav Diaz’s cinema, a spell that captures you from the very first frames and carries you throughout the film’s fluvial length (this new feature clocks in at almost eight hours), by enveloping the viewer in political dramas of great emotional and lyrical resonance. We admired ‘Jay’ for its skillful construction of the script and mise-en-scène, its ability to question the nature of images in an often hilarious yet always thought-provoking manner. The film is a very convincing and promising debut for newcomer Francis Pasion.” Named as members of the international jury of the Orizzonti, where “Melancholia” and “Jay” will compete with other entries from around the world, are Chantal Akerman (president), Nicole Brenez, Barbara Cupisti, José Luis Guerin and Veiko Õunpuu.

Last year, Diaz and the cast of “Kagadanan sa banwaan ning mga Engkanto,” including Roeder, Perry Dizon, Amalia Virtucio and production supervisor Laurel Penaranda walked on the festival’s red carpet prior to their entry’s official screening. ‘It’s really cool’ “Wow, man,” Diaz reacted to the news of another film of his making it again to the Venice Film Festival. “I don’t know what to say,” he told the Inquirer via e-mail. “It’s really cool, especially for Philippine cinema. A lot of people really worked hard on this film. Five got sick in Sagada. The heavy rains of Laguna destroyed my camera. “We’ll try to get some travel grants from the Film Development Council of the Philippines and the NCCA to be able to go,” Diaz added.


“Melancholia” stars Angeli Bayani, Perry Dizon, Roeder Camanag, Raul Arellano, Dante Perez, Malaya and Soliman Cruz. Diaz, a true Filipino film auteur, has direction, cinematography, screenplay and editing credits in the film which is a production of Sine Olivia Pilipinas. He shares music credits with The Brockas. Diaz said he was grateful to his crew, which includes Kristine Kintana, Nina Dandan, Dante Perez, George Vibar, Sultan Diaz, Willy Fernandez, Joel Ferrer and Jay Ramirez.

Diaz wrote that his movie asked the following questions: “Why is there so much sadness and too much madness in this world? Is happiness just a concept? Is living just a process to measure man’s pain?” Synopsis He provided the following synopsis: “Alberta, Julian and Rina struggle hard to find answers to those questions. To be able to fight pain, they assume different personas as a coping exercise. Julian still listens to the voice/songs of his dead wife; Alberta is still looking for the body of her husband; Rina eventually gives up.

“Deep in the forest of a desolate island, Renato and his comrades fight fiercely the military machine that has pursued them relentlessly. They are trapped. In his notebook, Renato writes: ‘I now realized the lyrical madness to this struggle. It is all about sadness. It is about my sadness. It is about the sorrow of my people. I cannot romanticize the futility of it all. Even the majestic beauty of this island could not provide an answer to this hell. There is no cure to this sadness.’” “Burn After Reading,” written and directed by Joel and Ethan Coen, who wrote and directed “No Country for Old Men,” which won the 2007 Oscar award for Best Picture, opens the main part of the Venice festival. The members of the jury in the main competition are Wim Wenders (president), Juriy Arabov, Valeria Golino, Douglas Gordon, John Landis, Lucrecia Martel and Johnnie To.

oh! too much testosterone

there's one thing to get spams regarding p*nis enlargement and getting my partner surprised and excited (sure they'll be surprised if i suddenly grow one)

but today i got to have a mail invitation to join gayguyschat.com

Hi, Ana Carina
You have been Invited to join Gayguyschat.com

You can use Gayguyschat.com to find guys in your area, use live webcam chat facility & connect with friends

around the globe.

- Live Web Cam Chat, Connect & interact live with guys on cam now.

- Hook up with guys in your area now, using our advanced post code/zip search system.

- Instantly create your own personal profile, with videos & picture uploads

You also have 3 unread messages

Thanks,

Gayguyschat.com

hwehehehe.. am curious what's the 3 unread message contents

well fine, Ana Carina kinda sounds dragqueenish to me too :P

headless chicken projects

it will be a disservice to my country if i allow him to think he should start selling real estate.

go as usual.

just a random thought. i should not be getting a "just so you know" text after this.

i finally figured it out

my body clock operates in african time :)

There's hope

Was never hopeless with the hate points in technology of last entry..

The Cubao smart office led me to the Nokia care office in ali mall with the 3 sweetest words..

"still under warranty"

my phone is still in the 'hospital' for test but it's good i didn't try to open up the unit via neighborhood manong repair shop.

***

Yesterday night, after tinkering with the edsamail account site, i think i have reset something that breath life to my account.. i got 1 email through edsamail today.. but i will remain status quo.

Love- Hate affair with technology

technology loves me..
my 2 year old PC has been allowing me to video edit, sound edit, among the other mundane tasks of connecting to people, researching, entertaining as i go through my semi hermit/ sabbatical phase.

my new UPS gives me assurance of constant power as i've been used to the not hitting the save button being used to a laptop. I won't go crazy with unsaved stuff.

i have crossed-over to xp with my eee. i have found additional use/s for my baby. a sound digitizer and basic mixer and audio content caster. I have a renewed love affair with my very first walkman while i digitize legacy stuff from cassettes (awww i actually threw away a lot of tapes during my magnolia-astoria transfer, but naaahhh... there are new music avenues to discover anyway. I get to have a senti kick from using my walkman anyway -- actually a "music jogger" since it isn't a sony)

next step for me is to make it my web management mobile station.. i am taking super risks with making my desktop (with all of my data and video/ art projects i do for friends) open to the viral assault of the www.

i am still basking in the joy of saving at least 2 months of internet connection fees via my free wifi syphoning scheme (albeit unreliable at times)from the nearby mall. where in the world can you have 3 to 7 options to hook-up wifi with in your your own home.

technology hates me..
my edsamail gone along with some point a to point b connection to old friends who hasn't been updated/ aware of my mobile, blog, ims.

my smart -addict supplied phone (a nokia n70) suddenly went dead. Phonebook numbers and important messages included :( i am using an ericsson phone now, and i get crazy with the interface relearn.

data amnesia from 1s and 0s :( i have a dying mobile hard disk (60 gig of data,) and a corrupted flash (2 gig of work-in-progress stuff gone.) -- as always, my usual technology flaw.. back-up back-up back-up!!!

New email address

Edsamail suddenly ended their service (????) i don't know, customer service doesn't seem to work anymore. This has been 2 weeks (so if you have sent me mails and stuff, please resend :( and why oh why am i just announcing this now.

So alternate email addresses according to priority (i like using outlook to check email rather than going through webmail services) :

nina@bannedmoviespilipinas.com

bienvenidosboss@gmail.com

acedandan@yahoo.com

Thanks a lot. yup still in hermit on vacation mode but i pop in and out of lives once in while. Keep in touch.

New email address

Edsamail suddenly ended their service (????) i don't know, customer service numbers doesn't seem to work anymore. This has been 2 weeks (so if you have sent me mails and stuff, please resend :( and why oh why am i just announcing this now.

So alternate email addresses according to priority (i like using outlook to check email rather than going through webmail services) :

nina@bannedmoviespilipinas.com

bienvenidosboss@gmail.com

acedandan@yahoo.com

Thanks a lot. yup still in hermit on vacation mode but i pop in and out of lives once in while. Keep in touch.

ipagpag ko lang

kahit dapat nagngangangawa, ang aking kaibigan, hindi ako pinapayagan..
hinila ang aking kamay, ipinunas ang kamay sa matang maluha.. ipinagpag lang ang dumi sa aking tuhod.. huwag, huwag na daw.. huwag, huwag..

Home v 3.0

Hail, hail the gang's all here..
the writers' strike is over, sitcom astoria just ended, comedy e starts its new season :)

New perch

New place, new adventures. :)

Libre

masaya ito kwentong libre.. ilang araw na rin akong wala sa sirkulasyon kasi mahabang proseso ang maglipat ng lahat ng utilities ng lumang bahay sa bago.. at dahil sa photofinish last minute change of address ako (matagal na plinano ngunit walang panahong paandarin kungdi sa huling mga sandali.) napilitan akong lumipat ng wala pang nakaabang na telepono, internet etc.etc. sa aking tinutuluyan.

Plan A ko ang mag coffee shop camping, maglalagi sa isang istarbaks para makiplug, makiinternet, makikain at makiligo.. pero etong linggong ito ay hindi palaring mag-online ang service ng airborne access.. palagi na lang akong makakapagorder na ng gintong kape at marerealize na walang saysay ang pagbulatlat ko ng eee dahil walang kuneksyon.

Plan B internet cafe.. ok naman, connect agad, ngunit lahat ng files ko ay nasa computer ko na.. mas kumbinyente kasi na nakasave na ang passwords, ang frequently visiteds, ang files na iaattach na lang.. hayy.. can't have it all.

kanina desperada followed-up pldt and went to the building admin to rush request, sabi nila hindi daw allowed i transfer yung phone ko, i have to wait for their supplied number (apparently its been wired that way) and i cant have a dsl broadband because the building is only wired for destiny cable internet.. ngek.

what will i do with my access point and wifi ready pcs?

pero pero pero.. kanina, pinagtripan kong aralin ang capability ng access point ko, napansin ko kasi na pag maganda ang hangin, i get a hint of wifi from the neighborhood cybermall (pero the hint is useless kasi kailangan kong i angat ang pc ko habang nagtrabaho para mahagip ag signal kung meron man.) .. i need to amplify the signal so my pc can make use of it.. buti na lang nahawaan ako ng nerdness from my previous job.. vwalahh! sinampay ko ang access point ko sa tuktok ng bintana para sumimsim ng libreng wifi.. the AP amplifies as it repeats the signals.. Free wifi @ home... WAGI!

Out of reach

my dad texted me early in the morning, "where are you? been calling your landline and no one's answering. please call the house." I have forgotten to notify him about my moving (moved thu night) and my mom forgot to tell my dad (you know where the dominant gene came from.)

anyway no phone yet in new place, internet connection from coffee shops are inconsistent (and dear) my mobile is the only way to get in touch with me (except however if you were trying to reach me saturday -- battery got drained and it took me half day to remember which box did i put my phone chargers.)

Plus if you were emailing me (@edsamail,) and your message bounced, chances are my mailbox is full, today i get to clear some but i am sure i missed 3 days worth of mails (now bouncing in email limbo-- please resend) Get the picture? I am basically a hermit until my phone and net connection and life gets back to normal (never??)

Keep in touch, err keep trying. Thanks :)

The Magic continues..

I am beginning to think everything is magic if you see it that way.
-- Gobo Fraggle

I've been sad, anxious and stressed most of 2008. I just want to feel different.

tanong sa akin ni Patrick : hindi ka ba nalulungkot?

Mga mainstay ng sitcom astoria :) Bien, Jose Angel, Bearlyn, BB

I am attempting to box all of my stuff for my moving out. while in the process i get to be reunited or reacquianted with stuff i've long forgotten i have, or just ignored stuff and found a refreshed interest in it. Moving out makes you feel sentimental, especially if you live on your own. I feel on the day when i finally walk out the door, i would make a mental video of the move just like an end of a sitcom, wow, anticipating the last look at the open space, as i close the lights.. credits...

patrick

kelly
guardies
engineering guys
gwen
jeff
edgar
lonie
jubial
km 10
yaminoys
banbros
de la torres
yus
bmps; et. al.
fedex
dhl
ups

crest cleaners
food deliveries
santis
tonic
travel net
red ribbon
asus
meneses
recintos
conversions
dandans
trinidads
innove
pldt
cable guy
aircon cleaners
pest guy
paper guy
leon
banana q manang
fishball manong
mute impersonator manong of escriva (he's deaf but not mute, you can hear him yelp from my 11/f closed window)

bien
bearlyn
jose angel

nomadic confessions

sinamahan ko ang aking kaibigan mag screen ng films sa luneta, ncca thingie for the arts month napansin ko na hindi ako nag alangan sa mundo, siguro nga na pinanganak akong nomad.. kakayanin kong matulog sa theater/coliseum under the moon, kung di lang din malamok at naka capri ako. naalala ko yung mga panahong nagkacamp out kami sa likod bahay nuon, may dalang flashlight at ginagawang tent ang kulungan ng aso (german shepherd kasi kapag magalaga ang tatay ko.) kami ang nagbibinyag ng bagong hawla.

oist bawal magjoke tungkol sa asal animal, aso, etc. tungkol sa akin, privilege info nyo yan, pag may narinig ako kakagatin ko. :P

sa paglipat ng bahay

kakaiba din itong pakiramdam, pagiimpake ng sarili matapos ang dalawang taon, nakaka5 ng lipat na ako ng bahay sa tanang buhay ko, unang lipat, wala pa akong muang, sa paranaque papuntang manila times, las pinas. pangalawa, tandang tanda ko pa, matagal na ring panahon, 1985ish times papuntang phil-am, (dito pa rin nakatira ang pamilya ko ngayon) linggo 'non, dahil ako ang pinakabata, ako ang pinag-taong bahay pagkatapos ng unang hakot, naalala ko na natakot akong mag-isa sa hindi ko kilalang bahay, nanuod na lang ako ng mickey and donald para maaliw, horror movie ang dating sa akin ng paninibago, bawat lagitik, bawat langitngit (pero kung mickey and donald lang ang palabas, mga 3 to 5 lang ng hapon iyun, exaggerated, kapapanood ng nakakatakot.) paglipat ko sa roxas, qc, di naman kinailangan ng lipat bahay, parang isang dorm room lang ang aking ari-arian nuon.. isang computer, ref, washing machine, toaster oven at component.. netong huling beses materialistic na ako, ngunit meron akong 2ng househelps nuong panahon na iyon.. hindi naging mahirap, pero oo marami na rin akong naipundar. Ngayon, kaloka, nagkakahon ako mag-isa. Sinanay ko na ang sarili na hindi magrely sa maids, isa't kalahating taon na rin akong solo.

may ibang high at low din ito, senti at emo moments, great that i have taken a mini sabbatical from usual life, paminsan magandang tumigil at lumingon, tumigil at huminga, tumigil ng wala nang ibang gagawin kundi ang pagtigil.

pagkatapos, arangkada muli.

Simpleng Kape

gusto kong magkape. pero hindi ko na pwedeng tanggalin sa kahon ang coffee maker ko. Ilang beses nang nagdiscuss si Ohsie tungkol sa mga tanong ng kalangitan (addict na rin siya,) constellations, eclipse, star names, hindi ko muna mahagilap ang mga libro ko, nakaempake na rin ang teleskopyo ko. Haaay, french press o instant? tsaa na lang.. iba pa rin e.. iba na naman ang mundo pag nagunpack na ako.

Write-off

i have come to grips that my life is a big write-off. I am getting ready to embark on another decision to write-off.

I just subscibe to the concept that if a thing doesn't ROI, it isn't such a crime.. at least i've journeyed forward, that's a good enough deal.

i guess i was just raised right

some people in my recent past have been getting in touch. telling me that..

shhh shhh shhh

i couldn't tell you, while here and now, the details are too delicate.
***

last valentine's day i went home to my parents' we had a lunch date, after lunch i slept on my mother's lap while they were watching a b-movie actioneer with billy blanks as the anti-hero (yep, the aerobics guy)

while on my way out, back to real life ortigas, my dad was near his texas and miscellaneous rooster cages, when he saw me he went towards me. When he moved, about 30 other birds flew, (parang sa central park) he said these birds like to eat the chicken feed that he leaves behind :)

he walked me through the park, outside the village where i got my ride.

that is why it is easy to be simple, thankful and not easily blinded by the greed in my world.

Nina Nina Nina Nina

before i finally decided to leave my office, i just bought a nifty dymo labeller.. i was sticker-trigger happy.. so whoever will inherit my stuff (these are basically brand new -- scissors, stapler, markers, pens, blahblahs since i usually have my own stash) please don't think i have ownership issues.. haha :)

the new dymo thingie is cool, but i kinda miss the old embossed vintage one..

the countdown begins..

The neighborhood of 8 homes is never warm yet we have an anonymous harmony between us. if ever we see each other outside our 11th floor life, i am sure we wouldn't remember each others' faces, except for the one minor celeb neighbor, just because she's celebrity..
our floor has never been filled up i think, always at least one unit for rent or family on vacation.. our floor's tiles have not been used to foot traffic, 8 units with minor hermits as tenants.. i know i have 2 small famlies farthest from elevator (the bird family and the dog family -- based on the sfxs during saturdays and sundays when they walk or air their pets,) the front unit would be inhabited by 2 couch potatoes who'd blast their TV volumes watching AXN, always just AXN. the other wing would have a unit with oldies who don't open the door whatsoever (i had only 1 interaction with them because i had to switch bills due to delivery mix up (shocked at my electric bill, then realized it's not mine) another with the minor celeb, "companion" (shhh...) and helps and 2 units who would have transients as it is used by the hotels..

hmm how do you think they would describe me..

the girl with the strange playlist (some days i'd do for beatles and mathis, tom waits and carly simon, shimshai, social distortion, yano, tvj, pcd, days with mandarin tutorial on end)

the lady with the newspaper doormat (especially during trip days where i'd have a totem of magazine and newspaper deliveries piling up)

the hermit lady who's awake 24/7
(the mouse' house would have movements anytime of the day. Either she's cloned herself or she never sleeps)

btw, i saw a glimmer of smile with celeb neighbor as we walk pass the elevator (me in, she out,) aww, i felt warm :)

it was just like college again

Nope, not into the regression, second childhood phase. yesterday was just a fun ride with a college pal driving me around. i went to his place of work, a tv studio. This is how we make scripts, the studio, a camera, the desk, the color bar.. i was toying with the idea of actually learning the ropes of being a media man... somehow, a part of a scheme for multi-media moguldom, or just a trip. Whether or not grandeur had its place in the agenda.. i was just taken for a ride... me as reporter? really, its a option.

Included and first in the real agenda was updating each other, this is after 14 years.. we haven't really bonded after college.. we COULDN'T, because he was a part of a tandem loveteam, and i was actually on the ex-girlfriend's team. bummer, had to take sides, the world works this way. So this is the first time i will hear his side (background music please..)

past loves, love journeys and current loves and love affairs, we outshared each other until 2 am over beer.

incubator

Last Nov. 1, my sister gave birth to my newest nephew, the hospital she was in had a policy for the baby and mom to immediately bond and nurse at the very first moment, so from DR, the babies go straight to the room with the mother. Even if it was a maternity hospital, the nursery unusually doesn't have any babies on display.

Except for one lonely baby. This baby was premature and had to be cared for via incubator. You can see the parents at the window, staking out most of the viewing time.. just longing for the baby, to touch, to care for and to love.

The fullness of parenthood they couldn't enjoy 100%. But then the baby cried. Ow! 100% unadulterated pain just exudes, breaking all textile, glass and concrete barriers. How come love couldn't just be transferred as seamless as hurt?

I have found love in another continent. Long distance love. I haven't even felt his warm hugs and tender kiss. I only hold on to the feeling of the first time we held hands. Yesterday we had a fight, oh how i feel the pain.

list

i said short distance
i said same nationality
i said normal, this time normal
i said "not complicated"
i said never again

i'll say the tastiest letters are the As and the Ls promise, its yummy! i already ate my words.

this one word i don't mind eating 命運.

Just a sunday

So you get to watch a play with a son of a national artist who is a respectable multi-talent in his own right.

So you get to talk to someone who describes being with you as "volatile"

So you realize its the end of your house rent contract and you don't want to renew, but you haven't started packing.

So you get to hang out with guys watching Apocalypse Now! 2 of them actually were in the film (wasak! Jim Gaines and Henry S.) while it was shot in caliraya, pagsanjan, laguna.

So you get you have your first real assignment as a legit film worker by later today :)

this was just Sunday.. wait till you hear about my week, hey wait till you hear bout my month!

Now

i gave up...no i let go

i lost it.. nope, am just trying to find somethings more important

confused directions, maybe...one thing for sure, its forward

in the two weeks after i decided to close the door, i saw a lot of open windows and walls..

scary, yes!
crazy, yes!

hit by the larry adventures

this was the most handicapped laryngitis bout i've ever had, just because i now live alone and i dont have any help.. technology at times help me cope, but most of the time, it's just me and my larry adventures.



the later part of the weekday, i already noticed it coming, strep throaty voice, coughing and low resistance, and during the weekend it became full blast. i just took a nap in the afternoon and when i awoke.. my voice had been kidnapped. I had to take a call from my cell to give me proof.

Ring.. ring..
Me :



****

later in the afternoon, i saw him in YM, and after a while, apologized for rejecting his calls.

It's ok i heard you, miss darth vader.

****

i had trouble with calling the laundry to pick up early saturday. Had one chance to chat with my sister about my weekday via phone (and i had to tell her, translate the story to pa and ma, i used up my slot with you.) and since i lost my voice around 3 without having lunch yet, i will have tummy troubles the rest of the weekend. But my vader-teaser offered to call for my jollibee delivery. internet-assisted fast food delivery :) (Actually later i refused his offer when i realized just wasn't into eating that time anyway)

****

most of the weekend was spent sleeping so i didn't mind the no-talk policy imposed on me.

****

Today, courier calls, security personnel, deliveries, other phone calls, and edgar directions, huh the small volume i gained back was spent again.

txt from friend : where can i call you
me : i am just at home, still sick, you can call but its like talking to your boyfriend, its a one way communication. hehe

so he called and tried to talk, he could only acknowledge some syllables he could decipher, all the rest he ignores in jest. He's so enjoying me not talking, well actually he's enjoying having a boyfriend. bwahahaha.

HHHHHHHHHWWaaaayyyYY! HHhhhhhheeeMMMM

YM. Ah, yes, why not!


****

Talking with you is like having phone sex. all i hear is breathing.

****

Sister in vietnam, YM

Me : am sick again, laryngitis.

Sis : Marge Simpson ka na naman.

Me : Mas malala, wala talagang boses. Maggie Simpson.

****

YM same friend

jgklglglhglhglgjgjk
me : ano yun?
iyan ang tunog mo sa phone
djhggsooiuuotuou
hahahaha
bwisit
gghx,nllklkjljlhjk
bzbbmmkkjjbkjnm
miscommunication can be fun
hahahahaha

****

friend over mobile

Ring.. ring..
reject.
ring .. ring.
reject.

Its hard to compose your text as fast when the other party is just pressing "call."
Txt apology.
No reply.
txt again.
No reply.

I have this praning feeling that people might tampo if you reject his call so i called. Yabang parang may boses.

Me :


Friend : I know, i got your txt, i just couldnt respond because i was driving. i know you can't talk kaya you do this ok, press once if yes, twice if no.

Me : beep>

miss you kasi,
beep>

bakit ka nagkasakit, siguro you got your back cold in a room
beep> beep>

hahahaha

let's YM as soon as i get back home
beep>

****

Kaya kayo, don't ever abuse your body.
beep>

kidnapped voice

anxiety more than sickness triggers my laryngitis. i've had 3 major cases and usually it is caused by fatigue and anxiety, 2 of which are theater productions -- i've always had a gigantic case of stage fright (church presentation during hs, college theater during my 4th year,) and here i am again with it.

a lot of things stressing me out these days... 2008, give me your magic, NOW!

penguin guy no 4

Why in the early days of 2008, i get to be reminded of him twice this weekend?? Huh, funny. I was with my bff last friday and we were into girl talk, and suddenly she got confused about my last year's timeline and cast of characters.. we were talking about an incident regarding maniacs, groping and being harassed (oops and realized i had a lot of that 2007) and she thought i was referring to "penguin guy number 4 " while i was actually referring to another maniac, groper, harasser who would later become a friend, a close friend (oops if people ask among my guy friends, deny na lang kayo.)

and why today i got a call from him this afternoon, I was fortunately deafened by my pod and would also not be capable of answering (i am sick, laryngitis) i didn't notice a miss call. someone from 2007 i wanted to forget, and why in 2008 i still have his name in my phonebook (and my name in HIS phonebook, please don't tell me he still have this party pictures of me)... anung pecha na?